Once suffering at the brunt of chronic depression, I took a pledge to combat the battle and overcome it with grit and conviction regaining self worth and dignity to live.
I can say I am very fortunate to figure out a solution which worked for me along with blessings, love and support of dear ones to get out of the vicious circle of depression or constant self doubt and denial.
My today's topic is to talk about the dynamics of depression, how a well wisher can approach a person suffering from it to help come out of it keeping in mind what the depressed person may be going through and why it is not easy to follow instructions or advise of their loved ones.
Depression begins to set in when a person is not able to feel happiness for a considerable long period of time, such that at times it becomes a distant reality. Depression thrives on lack of self esteem and trust on World. More or less, we all face this constant battle of ups and down in life. No days are the same specially regarding mood swings, that too in female. Reason being the influence of emotions are more predominant in females in general. That does not mean men are able to escape the roller coaster ride of moods which can throw you out completely from quite a "all go well" kind of situation.
It becomes a matter of concern, when the person stops responding to happy moments, Somehow over a prolonged episode of pain, sadness or gloom they become numb towards happiness. Nothing could make them happy. Their hormones stop secreting happy feelings. The constant gloominess worsens their day to day living. It even becomes a burden to exist, This is case of extreme which can be suicidal.
Before any case aggravates to such extent, it is important for the caregivers to take charge of the situation of patient getting worse. The very first step is to bring this conviction that they are not lacking anything in their ability but its a matter of time that the imbalance causing it can be fixed. There should be clarity about why this imbalance set in on first hand and how it can be aligned.
Diverting one's attention from over obsessive thinking about me and mine by investing on creative instincts in form of hobbies or sports/art/music/dance. Likewise engaging oneself in some kind of voluntary service for the society or keeping oneself engaged in activities which boost self worth by being useful and productive. If the patient is not prudent enough to act sanely or function at that phase of suffering, it is wise enough to talk to the person or just keep a watch on the person from distance even without the knowledge of patient if needed. Giving some personal space is sometimes the hour of need rather than flooding the patients with instructions of what to do and what not to. On the contrary, it may offset the patient's response and the patient may shut down completely from the world. Interference of any kind in their thinking process can be threatening to them and accelerate their doom. This is when a professional counselor becomes a necessity as the conditioning of mind plays trick to trust near ones. An expert or specialist is equipped with techniques to handle the patient's anxiety as well as knows how to gain confidence of trust.
It is pertinent to understand two things here :
(1) Stop expecting normal behavior of understanding or ability to follow advice
(2) The patient is more likely having lesser control on focus, trust and self confidence. The will power is also on the weaker side.
Don't leave any scope for the patient to feel guilty about themselves. Failure of following what they are advised to do/ not to do is not to be treated at par with disobedience. In fact, the patient is suffering to the extent of bearing more guilt of not able to follow. It is not negligence but a part of the disease, like conspiracy of depression. Since hurt or mental injury or abuse can't be seen or gauged, it is often misjudged or underestimated.
As caregivers we need to re educate ourselves of how to help the ones who need help and actually reduce their suffering, I could do this while attending to my ailing mother in law from Dementia which is again a chronic mental disease.
It took me no time to realize what she needs is not my instruction to follow what is good or bad for her. She is past that stage of understanding. Now the care is completely based on unconditional love and compassion of wider acceptance of what condition she is in. Instead of becoming judgemental, I need to seek the help of professionals and my care and presence is required to the extent of not harming her further by my interference, May be I just need to be there to listen and give her a comfort zone to relax and feel relieved. Peace can be the center point of wellness. Being centered is essential part of healing and anything that can agitate the mind should be avoided. Keep in mind,,,,, the process of keeping the patient calm should be well researched and indirect so that the patient does not react negatively. The medications are mostly to let the mind rest with more sleep and pacify with soothing calmness. At no point medicines should be altered or stopped without medical advice. It can be very harmful cause the dosages do have consequent effect if halted. With this I conclude my call to help caregivers an insight of wellbeing of their loved ones to help them heal.
There is entirely a new set of approach counseling the person suffering. My therapy involves having a fun filled activity based on the interest of patient helping to guide throughout with providence.
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